dont believe what you think you see

why does everything have to be so hard? i know what will make me happy, but i cant seem to get there. and when i take steps in the right direction, something goes wrong. i dont know. thats been the story of the year. truth is...im still not happy. im trying to figure out what it will take to make me happy, but you start to learn things. what i thought would make me happy 6 months ago, wasn't all that i thought it was. i guess being on the outside looking in you can start to see what it really is. its what happened when i moved back to florida, and its the reason i came back here. a different perspective. so now i offically have one reason to stay here. haha, its not my job. i would leave that in a heartbeat. theres nothing more that drains me and burns me out, and wastes my talents and dreams like my current job. and i can go to school anywhere, so thats not it. i think you know what it is. but something happened saturday night, that discouraged me a whole lot. i just finished watching a movie about this very thing, and then all the sudden i find myself sitting waste deep the mud, that used to be water clear as day. embarrassed. i dont know what im gonna have to do, but its all im here for. so im gonna keep trying. my luck cant really get worse.