Happy New Year!

I don't usually get into New Years. I dont know. I guess it's like when I'm driving my car and the milege turns over from 149,999 to 150,000. And yes, both just happened a few days ago. New Years and my car turning 150,000 miles young that is. This year was my second straight year celebrating in Times Square. I think it's awful, being herded into sections of pavement by cops, trampeling over and injuring many young women and children, standing still, crammed in with someone from Canada, who loves New York but has never been to Times Square for New Years before, and then being spooned by a Middle Eastern guy on the corner of 45th and Broadway who thinks this is prefectly fine. Its an experience that is probably the worst you will ever experience. It's January 3rd and my back is still killing me, I got sick from walking home in the rain from the train station, so I've been spending my first day off in 2007 on my couch in my pj's. And (sigh) I am already planning to be back, same spot for the third straight year. I dont know what it is. The live bands are pretty sweet but other than that its just a huge awkward neusence. But I love it. Everyone gets so excited from the 11 o'clock hour on because I think they realize its only 2 hours from being able to detach from the hexagon of people that are violating their personal space. It is a beautiful sight and a beautiful experience. One of the best times you can have. I urge every one to try it someday.

So 2006 was by far the worst year of my life. God stretched me so much physically, emotionally and geometrically (horizontally not vertically). I was sick more than I ever have beenin my life. Had more car problems than ever. And I was pointlessly frustrated at so much stuff and so many people. You name a problem that could have happened, and I'm almost sure it happened. But as I stood in Times Square capturing the final minute of 2006 on my video camera, it hit me...Life is SOO Beautiful. God has blessed me with so much this past year. I think the biggest blessing by far is forgiveness. Im still alive and God is still standing right next to me, showing me how huge his plan is for my life. Wow...this is the first time I have cried in so long. Im just realizing how much I see God. All the time. Nothing really happened in 2006, and I feel like God has me at the same place entering this year as I was last year. Its like a do-over. I definitely dont deserve it, but thanks to him he has healed me from all the crap that happened to me in 2006. The horrible decisions that I made. Things i never saw myself doing. Im having a hard time right now. I think I let everyone I know down, if only they knew. I miss my family so much it hurts. I miss the people who shaped me into the person I walked away from last year. I miss when God was my first thought every morning. I miss working next to Dustin and seeing how passionate he was about God and wanting to be like him. I miss when I would spend an entire evening in the dark playing guitar, worshipping my best friend. It's really hard to look back because those times were the best times of my life. I had so much faith then. As I listened to the world's backwards counting skills on sunday night, I made a resolution. Not a day to day habit forming one, but I want to look at 2007 as the best year of my life. I want to go back and be who I was. I want to be 100% tranformed by God. I want to be used to do things for him that nobody has ever done. I want to make a bigger difference to the people around me, than anyone they have ever known. I want to think about 2006 as a hiccup in time, and not a year that started a mediocre life. I want to get in shape.... I need to live alongside people who are just as called and spiritually motivated the same way I am. I need accountability, and all I really need is one thing. God.