Getting the "W"

Its a lot easier to be the one on the losing end. In anything. in life, in sports, in monopoly. It does come with disappointment, but in the end there is a lot less to live up to. You don't have to work as hard to maintain anything, because you don't have anything to prove. Yeah, its nice to win. I've had some amazing victories, but when you keep on winning, the pressure continues to mount until you lose. Then all the sudden losing seems so much bigger than it actually is. It eats at you a lot more. It makes you feel like you can never win again. Even when you do win again, it doesn't feel right. Not until you are back to where you were before. Theres just something about winning night after night, going home with the same feeling. A feeling of complete satisfaction. You carry such a confidence about you that you don't feel like you can ever lose. You know that you can. You know that it's only a matter of time before you do. But for some strange reason, it doesn't matter. You may not even do all that well. You may struggle...a lot, but somehow you can still manage to pull out wins. There is just something about confidence that makes it easier to win. Even in every other aspect in life you feel that confidence. Waking up in the morning is such a refreshing feeling. Walking outside feels amazing. Everything is so much more stimulating, and you find satisfaction in the little things. It's where you become intrigued by simplicity. You fall in love with everything. When you win, you laugh more, you smile more, you tend to do more that you wouldn't normally do. Everybody is cheering you on. You celebrate more, you give more. Pizza tastes better. Showers feel so much better. The winter air really doesn't seem all that cold. Everything even smells better. Its like your senses awaken, and everything in life becomes one big celebration after another.

No wonder losing is so hard. It burns you out. It makes everything feel so plain. Suddenly your fans start to question you, and aren't as faithful as they used to be. Everything becomes so conditional. Everything suddenly takes longer. Especially waking up. You don't keep doing the things that you normally would do. Everything changes. Even when you find a way to string together a couple wins, they just don't feel the same. It's almost like the wins begin to feel like losses. You feel like giving up. Everything becomes more of a routine. I think that is what I find the strangest about losing. When you are winning you are far more likely to try new things. But when you start losing, everything becomes more routine. You'd think that when everything starts going right, you would keep doing the same thing. And when things aren't going that well, you would start doing new things to turn it around. You just get stuck in the same old thing. You would literally do anything to taste victory again. Reminiscing makes you feel so happy. It should! You were doing so well. But every time you reminisce, you compare what used to be, with what suddenly is. And thats a pretty empty feeling. Winning sets a standard, that it feels like you can never repeat. When you start to get a few wins here and there, that standard is set so high that you still don't feel the same way.

I would pretty much do anything to have the chance to go back and play sports again. To condition myself to be the best athlete that i can be. It used to make me so happy. It used to be a drug. It made winning and losing seem so physical. Like when you lose, you just work a little harder. When you win, you feel like you can do anything. I just want to taste victory again...and smell it. And know its always there. And feel like all my hard work is paying off. To win, feels so good.