This year has been pretty crazy thus far. Life has so many unexpected turns, and it's so hard never knowing what is coming next. Things really haven't been working out the last couple weeks. I'm just really frustrated because I had a plan...and that's definitely not working. This is one of the first times in my life that I feel like I'm wasting time. I'm really not happy where I'm at, but since I don't know what to do next, I don't know when this is all going to end. I have things to be happy about, but for some reason I won't let myself be happy. Any normal circumstances, I would love my life right now, but things haven't really been normal for quite sometime. My birthday was this past weekend, and I had a great day. I remember thinking that it was going to be awful. I went out to eat with a friend the night before, and I remember sitting there thinking how bad it was going to be. It really was a normal day, and was pretty uneventful, but for some reason it recharged me. I was so excited, for i don't know why. But ever since, it just feels like something is missing. With everything...work, relationships, free time, even watching baseball games on tv. Its weird. I can't figure out what it is. So until I figure out what it is, I am going to try to enjoy life, and try to take concrete steps to figure this whole life garbage out. I wish i could go back in time to like...November and redo everything...i think that would help.