I'll take a sunset and a kiss please.

Third time's a charm huh? I am back (think AC/DC as an intro) in New Jersey. This is the third time I have up and moved to New Jersey. One was a brilliant success, and one was a major disappointment. I've seen it all, I've experienced the highs and lows, I have experienced love and loneliness. I've been to the shore. I've seen black snow. I have seen the World's Smallest Horse which makes me dry heave when i think about its poor soul being couped up in a little cage. I wouldn't say that I love New Jersey. It's sentimental, but I don't at all love it. I don't know why I came back. I didn't want to, I was happy for once in my life, and I really felt like I was finally over this place. But then I decided to come back. For those of you who don't know why, I am finally going to tell you. My first year in New Jersey was one of the best years of my life. The way everything worked out, and how I learned and matured so much. I can't explain in words how the people around me shaped me into who I am today. Just the experiences, and memories changed my life for the better. But then when the year was over, I faced the decision of whether to stay in Jersey, or go back home to Florida. I picked Florida. I missed it. I missed my family. I was afraid of what would happen if i stayed here. So i went back...and within 6 months realized that in time, people and places change. But instead of sucking it up and dealing with it...I turned back around and came back up here. So..i guess the previous lesson of time changing people and places hadn't really clicked, because the same thing had happened back here. That genuine excitement from before became a shallow surface level facade. I wasn't the same person. Realizing that I was nowhere near anything comfortable, I started to change myself. I guess a better word would be adapt. The people who I thought cared about me didn't and the people that I cared about were miles away from here. I was stuck, and alone, and pretty much clung to whatever was comfortable. I didn't want anything else to change, and as time went by I changed. New Jersey became a place that I hated. A place that bled me dry. There was only one person that I honestly regretted leaving, and I told myself that they would be the only person I would come back for. Just days before I left here, I made a promise to myself that I was going to come back for them. It was the only time in my life that I have made a promise like that. I knew that If i didn't I was never going to come back. So once i realized that, I left. Within days, without notice to many people, I went back to Florida. I didn't expect anything to happen there. I just wanted to detox myself from the past year and a half of my life. I had to do it quick. And i did. It was one of the better 4 months of my life. I was around people who didn't judge me. I was around people who supported me no matter what. I was around people who laughed when I made some pretty horrible/awesome decisions. I met people, and truly became friends with so many people immediately. The night i left Florida...I was heartbroken. I had become attached to so many people. I smiled and laughed more in those 4 months than I ever have before. My family became my favorite thing on earth. I made real friends. People that I will miss every single day. But I had to come back here. I had to prove to myself that I am capable of fulfilling my dreams. I had to prove that I can follow through with my promises. I had to prove that I can do anything I set my mind to. I had to renew my mind, and I did that. I have to end on good terms with this state before I can move on. There's nothing for me here that I can't find anywhere else, but that's not a good enough reason to give up. I won't ever give up, until I have achieved my goals. I don't care what people say...or think. But anyway thats why I'm here.

Now that I'm here, I feel like things are headed in the right direction. It's hard but, it's nothing i didn't expect. I have seen everyone I needed and wanted to see. And so hopefully the "Welcome Back" phase can end, so I can get life back to normal. But I'm here, and I know I need to be here.