Outside looking in...

This is not what i saw coming. Six months ago today, i left Florida. Half a year ago. I remember the excitement. I remember how brave i felt to take a risk, and see that everything was going to go alright. I had everything together. I didn't have much reason to think things were going to work out, but they did. I left florida with barely enough money in gas to make it up here. In fact, i remember sweating it out once i saw the New Jersey state line. I had her waiting for me, but everything else including the odds were against me. But i really didnt care. I was gonna make it. Thats the way i am, i have so much faith in myself. I have faith that God is going to work all things out. June 26th, 2006. 6 months. I went to bed last night perfectly fine, tired but fine. And as i woke up to go to church this morning, i laid in bed for an hour thinking about how big of a joke i have become. Im not happy. As happy as i thought i was last night, was a lie. So...I should stop trying to do everything myself? For six months i have sat on the sidelines waiting on the two most important things in my life. So i guess ive reached a point where i cant keep going further. I am going after one with all my heart, and leaving little for the other. I have spent so much of my efforts trying to be happy again. So much on trying to get back to where things were. But every time i feel like im getting close.....i get nothing. I go unnoticed. Im forced to wait. I get neglected. I feel alone. I cant keep doing this. Somedays i want to up and leave. Not go back. But go somewhere where i can start all over. Where i can put the pieces back together. Where i can be strong again. To find what i need. Someone who cares about me. Someone who loves me no matter what everyone says. This roller coaster is sucking the air out of me. Yeah, thats what i need. I need YOU.

Oakland A's @ New York Yankees (6-10-06)

A full house on a Saturday in the Bronx


Jeter at the bat


Just a cool picture i felt like taking


The Greatest: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver


Johnny Damon, Miguel Cairo, and Alex Rodriguez


Go Devil Rays! Reppin' the hometown boys!


Hey they're winning!!!


The A's outfield. Bradley was rapping, Kotsay was dancing, and Swisher was just laughing at them both


Kevin Thompson (moments after his first career homerun) and Johnny Damon


Milton Bradley definitely didn't make friends today. Same old Milton!


The fans weren't so faithful today. Most people left in the seventh. I however stuck it out to see the A's win 5-2.

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

So Saturday, (June 10th) I got tickets for the Yankees-Athletics game. The night before, one of the guys i work with told me he had tickets to the game and didn't have anyone to go with. So we decided to meet there. However, i guess he didn't make it. Or at least i didn't see him. It was an amazing day for a baseball game. I just sat by myself, and took a bunch of pictures. Then i got the idea of using the video feature on my camera. So i have a homerun by Jason Giambi on film, which is pretty impressive. And an interesting shot of Milton Bradley nearly chucking his bat at Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina. The weather was unusually cool. Even cold at times. All in all it was a good game. I guess its true that there is nothing like taking in an afternoon game at The House that Ruth Built. I hope i get the opportunity to see another one.

Here

I am here. I have been here for a while. A lot of time has come and gone, but day after day i come back to that same feeling. No matter how things go in my life, no matter how much stress i endure. I am here. You may not think I am. You may not see it like i do. But believe me. I am here. I remember when i realized it. I remember telling you the first time. I remember how happy it made me. Just to be here. I have been through a lot. I have weathered some storms. I have relied on every ounce of faith, just to stay here. I honestly haven't always wanted to be here. There were times when i had to completely rely on you, and that was something that i never thought i could ever do. But you...you held me right here. I fought it. I cried because of it. But no matter what, something much greater than myself has held me here. Now that i can see things from a different perspective, i realized that i had to stay here. I wouldn't have it any other way. I would give anything in the world to be here. To stay here. I want to become stronger. I want to do it right, so that no matter what happens i will always be here. No matter the distractions, no matter the pain. Im here. Im here for a reason. Im here to stay.